a recipe for awesome

so, listen, i don't know what happened over the weekend, but somehow i expanded so much that my jeans were TIGHT on my THIGHS. turns out? this is NOT a good feeling. so anyway, for fun to torture myself, i tried to only consume liquids yesterday. it kind of worked. but not really. i went the whole day sustaining myself on water, coffee and red bull and then came home and ...ate a homemade bbq chicken & mushroom spinach pizza pita bread sensation. so much for that liquid diet business.

anyway, after scarfing that bad boy down, i went to yoga for the first time in a VERY LONG TIME. my usual instructor had been replaced by a brand spanking new one, who likes to kick my ass. so it was pretty sweet. my ass felt a little violated after, but i'm going to be alright.
the weird thing is this: i've been eating pretty horribly lately, but i've also been working out like, every single day. so it's weird. the more i work out, the hungrier i am? whatevs.

on the way home i dropped off factotum (um... yeah) and scooped up an inconvenient truth you know, for "fun." all i can really muster up after watching it is "yikes."

sorry, scratch that. let me rephrase:

YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

during the film, eddie (our new roommate for those still playing along) noticed that his dog, bullet, had taken a liking to my faux uggs. i was sort of laughing whilst bullet sniffed my feet feverishly, then! suddenly! bullet latched on a humping action commenced. eddie was like BULLET!!!!!!!!!!! while i simultaneously laughed and sorta vomited in my mouth.

ew, bullet.

grosssssssssssss.

this morning i woke up an hour and a half earlier than normal so i could see my lovely chiropractor. turns out, it's been almost a full year since i've been in (REALLY? wtf happened to 2006? srsly?) so i had to fill out new forms. blargh!

oh.... but it was worth it, my friends.

first! the lovely jenny stuck acupuncture needles in my iron back. then! she turned on the massage machine. oh yeah. it's as awesome as it sounds. after about a half hour of that, the magical octavia came in to do a twenty minute massage and unlocked portals of pain on my back and in my shoulders that i never knew existed. but, you know, in a good way. then! mr. man came in and adjusted my poor back and called me a freak of nature and told me to stop cracking my own neck already, goddamnit. sure thing, mr. man. and then i looked the the mirror and my cheeks were completely flushed, and i looked super hott. because, you know, i'd been laying on my stomach for an hour with my face in a hole.

so.... anyway. i do have a point. yesterday at this time i felt like warm poo. now! i feel like a million and one dollars. in summary: to feel good alls ya gotta do is stop eating, get your ass kicked and then stick your face in a hole.

the end.