2007 nfl playoff predictions: AFC

so most of my football "viewing" this past weekend happened while we were going to and from palm springs. we listened to two of the four games on the radio while sitting in traffic on the the damn 10. it made me realize how important the visual aspect of the game is. you know, in case i didn't already know that. cuz, if you're like me, and i'm sure a lot of you are, you like to pick your favorite players based on how "cute" they are. am i right? right. so in light of the absence of the vikings in the playoffs, and instead of making my picks for the championship games based on any sort of real logic, i'm going to make my picks based on "cuteness quotients." the cuteness quotient (aka CQ) is a highly complex equation based on selecting two key players (QB, RB, etc.) and then comparing their looks, charm/marketability and, of course, talent.

i know you’re dying to know the formula, so here goes:

CQ = {( (.75QB (.5l+.25c+.25t) ) + (.25O (.5l+.25c+.25t) )

warning: formulas may be fraught with ill-logic.

ya dig?

COLTS vs. PATRIOTS

indianapolis colts.

QB: peyton manning is not what i'd call the best-looking guy in the universe. but as far as QBs go, he's not half-bad in the looks dept. and, furthermore, he gets high points in the "personality" department. he is an undeniable force when it comes to endorsements ga-lore. he's got a nice mix of cocky-meets-modest with an added bonus of charming flair. oh, and he's a pretty decent QB as well.

QB score: .5 (6) + .25 (9) + .25 (9) = 7.5

K: adam vinatieri is pretty cute, for a kicker. he’s scored in each of his past 19 playoff games, which ties george blanda's NFL record. not sure who the hell george blanda is, but i’m sure that’s definitely something. adam has earned the nicknames "automatic adam" for his accuracy, and "iceman" for his incredible poise under pressure (according to wiki). i had him on my fantasy team a few years ago. i was pretty brilliant for making that choice. if i do say so myself. and i do. say so myself. ps/ he is also a third cousin to evel knieval. brilliant.

K Score: .5 (8) + .25 (6) + .25 (9) = 7.75

TOTAL COLTS’ CQ SCORE [.75 (7.5)]+ [.25 (7.75)]=7.6

~~

new england patriots

QB: tom brady is pretty amazing. i think everyone can agree that not only is he probably the best looking QB in the history of QBs, but he’s also got a shit-ton of talent AND endorsement deals. not that i’m saying any of these things are mutually exclusive. i think talent begets endorsements intrinsically, but good looks can certainly up the ante. he dates supermodels (we won’t talk about tara reid. everyone makes horrendous mistakes once in awhile, don’t they?) so, my point is, tom brady is the bizzomb.

QB score: .5 (9) + .25 (9) + .25 (9) = 9.0

LB: not that brady needed much help, but tedy bruschi brings up the CQ of the patriots quite nicely. not only is he talented, but he is a nice-looking chap as well. my better half quips that he’s “a bit of a blockhead” but he also admires his tenacity in getting over that whole “stroke” thing a few years back. wiki reveals the bruschi plays the saxophone and was part of the boston pops. either those facts make tedy super awesome or.... maybe i just don’t know what to do with that information. i wish i didn’t read wiki all the goddamn time. *erases memory of boston pops from brain*

LB score: .5 (8) + .25 (7) + .25 (7) = 7.5

TOTAL PATRIOTS’ CQ SCORE [.75 (9.0)] + [.25 (7.5)] = 8.6

in summary:

• COLTS CQ – 7.6
• PATS CQ – 8.6

based on CQ scores, i will have to go with the patriots for the big win on sunday. makes total and complete sense, right?

tomorrow: saints vs. bears