stuff about where I live and play, and maybe some stuff about where I work and play.


stylish flatulence.

People In Newspaper Ads
Who Look Like They're Farting

here's a sneaky sneak preview:

"Always the life of the party, Ernie manipulates his butt cheeks to alter the tone of his escaping flatus. He is affectionately known as Bagpiper of the Ass."

CLICK for more where that came from

peyton makes me laff.

this makes me love peyton manning a little more than i used to.


i'm back!

ok, so. i just returned from a whirlwind trip to minneapolis. did you miss me?


Monkeys and Bulldogs + Situps = FREAKING AWESOME

WATCH HERE (bulldogs, monkeys, situps)

and then

WATCH THIS (adam sandler, bulldog)


one of these is the forecast for minneapolis (where i'm going from sa-tu) and one is the forecast for los angeles.

can you guess which is which?

on paper, looks good.

** Survivor Recap**

the thing i most love about survivor is that just when you think you kinda have it all figured out and you think it’s going to get semi-predictable, they up and change the whole crazy game on you. and last night was that moment.

the “reward challenge” turns out, is “drop your buffs” time with ed & earl getting the tribe-selector-honors. ed’s tribe ends up being 100% beef and consists of all you *think* you ever wanted in a tribe: ed, alex, rocky, dreamz and mookie. oh. and anthony. i think rocky says it best when he observes that “on paper, we’re like a superpower. i ain’t gonna lie, we look pretty good.” or something to that effect. and! they’re modest too.

ok so, that leaves earl, boo, stacy, cassandra, michelle and yau man on the other tribe. guess who didn’t get picked? yep that’s right. everyone’s favorite mullet-face-‘vivor-tard, LISI. she’s so dumb, she’s almost brilliant. she essentially thinks because she didn’t get picked, she is going home, and reveals that she would be cool with that.. but then jeff informs her she’s going to exile and will still be playing the game (dumbass) and she’s all awwww shit. anyway, jeff is like dude, go to exile and get your stupid head on straight. i love it when probst unleashes the sass.

now, it’s tribe buff selection time. ed selects orange, so the sausage fest is the new ravu. d’oh. moto island is still phat island, which then means that yau man, michelle and earl are now going to get a taste of the goooood life while alex, ed & deamz are now going to be slumming on ghetto island. hee. so juicy i can hardly stand it.

back at ravu, life is certainly, um, weird. anthony’s deep-seeded aversion to removing his shirt around Men is revealed, and you can’t help but feel super sorry for him as he waxes nostalgic about his Life as a Nerd. meanwhile, all the Men go off to grunt, hunt and fish leaving anthony to tend to the whining, cooking and cleaning. then the editing is so weird and eerie that i feel like it’s going to turn into a Lord of the Flies situation... but no, it’s just some scheming and suddenly, with the help of the Most Manliest Men (Ed & Alex) FISH ARE CAUGHT and FOOD IS SERVED. rocky’s face starts looking EXACTLY like one of the fish they caught and i start to get confused as to whether rocky is talking or a fish. either way, it’s a blowhard.

so..... ... there is a huge build-up about how awesome ravu is now and how they are sooo going to kick major ass which can only lead to one result: they lose the immunity challenge. in a very anti-climactic tribal council, anthony gets the boot, but at least they had us thinking for one split second that it might be rocky. anyway, i don’t think anyone but anthony cares about anthony leaving, but the moral of the story is: just because you’re a man it does not mean you are automatically awesome. isn’t that the moral? i don’t know. i remember laughing a LOT during this episode but i was also pretty high on thai curry. so there you go.


maybe i'm amazed.

so i find out that my sister-in-law is going to be in the audience of american idol, you know, “promoting” the wedding bells, so this information forces me to lift my imaginary boycott of the show and watch for her lovely face in the crowd. turns out? this was the best show so far this season, which basically means i wasn’t bored to tears and/or throwing things at my TV. and, indeed, i was mostly entertained.

so the theme was brit pop, i suppose. two people i’ve never heard of and will likely never see again are on hand to coach. some dude named peter noone for the boys and “lulu” for the girls. it seems unfair, in a way to have separate coaches, especially since this noone character seems to be the low rent version of simon, but whatever.

so haley comes out in some shorty shorts and proceeds to shake what her mama gave her as she meanders through “tell him.” i guess it was aite, nothing special, but my favorite part was when they panned to the wedding bells cast and they were laughing hysterically as haley shook herself in their faces. the judges were cool with it. oh, and this sets up what i like to call “i think i was on crack or something.” because i think i disagreed with the judges on, like, every performance. actually? i was hopped up on allergy meds and watching post-yoga. this is typically a comatose situation.

so chris r. sings a ballad called something or other, and as much as i really, really want to like it , i don’t. it’s nasally and boring and forced and what? the JUDGES LOVED IT. i don’t get it. but i still loves me some chris r, so whatever. and! he is still 100% less scary than sanjaya, so i hope he stays.

when stephanie came on, i took the opportunity to leave the room and microwave something. anything. she bores me. maybe she was good bu i wouldn’t know either way. something got microwaved though, i’ll tell you that much.

and then blake. ooohhhhh blake. i did like this performance mostly. he sang “time of the season” and smeared his blakeness allll over it. but he let me down on those notes where i wanted him to hit a homerun, and he just, like, bunted his way onto first base. i melted a little when he sang the “who’s your daddy” part of the song. it was just so, blake, you know? who is YOUR DADDY? blake lewis, b*tches. anyway. JUDGES LOVED IT. didn’t even mention the weaknesses about it. i think they have a clear agenda, and mostly, i’m glad that they are pining for my boys chris r & blake. but huh. HUH, i say.

lakisha comes out in bling bling and sings “diamonds are forever,” which, again, i liked a lot but the judges WEREN’T feeling it. huh? really??? ok. well. um.

ps/ am i on crack?

then, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER ,i actually liked Phil as he sings "Tobacco Road." and the judges? NOPE. i daresay they HATED it. wtf is wrong with me? or? is it them? i’m so confused now.

jordin sings "i who have nothing" and gave me the actual CHILLS, it was so good. the judges, thankfully, agreed with me, yet simon felt like jumping of a bridge when it was over because it was “sung beautifully, but it was soooo glooooomy.” oh, simon.

aaron leaves the room momentarily and i reveal to eddie that i think i have a crush on simon.

eddie rolls eyes.

then something really upsetting happens. sanjaya explodes onto the stage singing “you really got me” and actually has personality and isn’t super boring and creepy for once, but i’m still cringing for no apparent reason through the whole thing. meanwhile, there’s been this super weird crying girl in the audience the whole show and they keep showing her BAWLING her head off and it’s so upsetting and weird and comical and creepy that i just keep kicking at the TV hoping the whole thing will just end already.

yes. i was kicking at the tv, what?

and at the end, they tell sanj to go over and give ‘er a hug and she cries even harder and WILL SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE HER SOME ANTI-DEPRESSANTS ALREADY? this girl is effing nuts!

gina’s next with “paint it black.” I? love it. the judges? hate it. uhhhhhhhhh. at this point i agree to disagree with them. it’s cool. THEY are the crazy ones, uh, not ME.

chris sligh is up next with a zombies song called “she’s not there”, and try as he might to delight the Crowd, he falls short the Me. i had some love for ya sligh, right up until the words FRO PATRO left your mouth. now, we’re through. judges kinda liked him though. of course they did.

melinda closes with a mostly boring but well-sung performance of “as long as he needs me” and at this point i realize they aren’t going to be actually talking to my sis-in-law in the audience and thusforth i am tuning out. as for melinda? i think i kinda liked her, i think the judges really liked her. whatever.

i have absolutely NO idea who goes home tonight. none.


zodiac attack

aaron & i saw "zodiac" last night at the grove. i don't want to say we went to there because it was where gerard butler was recently seen sneaking in to see "300," but...anyway.

after seeing a few movies on opening weekend in crowded overstuffed theaters, it was quite refreshing to go see a movie on a monday night on a particularly slow night at the grove, which is normally too much touristy fluff for me to handle.

as an extra extra bonus we randomly ran into lorenzo and joe, who were also going to the movie, and aaron ran into a friend from his studio. even though it was relatively slow, it looks like all the Really Cool People were out in full force. as it should be.

so. the movie is FREAKING LONG. really. it is. i actually liked it a lot more than i expected to (ive heard mixed reviews), but honestly, there were a few moments where i was tempted to "rest my eyes a little" and i almost fell asleep. um, twice.

in my defense, i was all hopped up on allergy meds and i ate too much popcorn, so you know, not my fault.

(i also fell asleep during "the secret," "an inconvenient truth" and "rize," all of which i found to be fabulous movies. from what i saw and remember, that is. )

i liked it. even though i knew what was going to happen in the end, i was still intrigued and interested for at least 95% of the film. plus? i love, love, love the cast. robert downey jr. was hilariously heart breakingly good, ruffalo did his ruffalo thing (which i love) and even jakey had a nice arc and did a decent job. i also liked the way twisted humor was incorporated. there were some awkward laugh out loud moments, courtesy of aaron, who always finds humor in weird places, but i had to agree with most of his LOLs. it's important to note that this movie is primarily about the investigation and is mostly from the perspective of an author, so don't go into it expecting an edge of your seat thriller. i liken it more to a mystery/suspense where you're along for a long, bumpy ride through a very tricky investigation. and there's a little blood splattered here and there for flavor. i'm also a huge fincher fan (se7en, fight club) so there's also that.

so anyway, i give it 3.5 stars out of 5.

see it. or not.

uh oh

FOUND by David Gonzalez in Los Angeles, California

"I found this at the MOCA information desk."


f*ckin' hilar.

i should probably check to make sure...

there's a day care facility located somewhere in our building, and i guess they just let the kids hang out outside all day, because i can constantly hear them laughing and playing.

today, the children seem to be especially loud, and their screams especially shrill. additionally, there appears to be some sort of tree-trimming going on.

so bascially, my ears are being treated to the sounds of screaming children and buzzing chainsaws at the exact same time.



yippee ki yay, muther f*cker

this is just kinda great.





just prior to the lunar eclipse (march 3) i was listening to the kevin & bean morning show on kroq. their guest was an astrologist called susan miller, and she described monumental events that would occur in people’s lives as a result of the earth eclipsing the moon. this would be ESPECIALLY true for pisces (me) born around the eclipse (DOB: march 5). intrigued, i logged onto her web site and dug a little deeper to find out that there would also be a SOLAR eclipse on march 18th, which would have the following effect on me:

“you'll be more experimental now, and possibly feel quite rebellious. society wants to keep you in a box, but you long to break free - and you will! It's time to let your own song out, dear Pisces”

i sort of brushed this all off until today, as i was hitting SUBMIT on my order for a new phone. and then i realized that i was already starting to rebel. because this is not just ANY phone, my friends. oh, no. IT’S "FIRE" RED! AND IT’S CALLED THE MOTOKRZR! SO KRZY!!! SO REBELLIOUS! I’M BREAKING OUT OF MY BOX, WORLD!!!!!! SOLAR ECLIPSE ME BABY!!!!!!

yeah, that's pretty much all i got.


cardinal bloodbath


dear "bracket-o-matic,"

you should be ashamed of yourself. you lured me in with your compelling tales of bracket magic. and I BELIEVED
. i believed in your amazing powers of smart team selection and logical logic stuff. and i even, for a minute, got excited about all this ncaa madness and was even going to watch a game or two so that i could cheer on whatever random teams your highly intelligent bracket mechanism selected for me.

here's the part where my lovely husband interjects and says, well, i wanted to tell you stanford was a bad pick. and so then i say, well, why didn't you? and he replies: uh, because i know better.


it doesn't matter that i picked frosh over senior, cinderella over dynasty, private over state or underdog over favorite.

wait scratch that.


turns out the bracket-o-matic can't help you if you prioritize team qualities like you're a monkey on valium.

but still. I BELIEVED.

anyway, my bracket was busted in the first game on the first day. there should be some sort of "special" prize for being the most retarded, right?

i hate your stupid guts-o-matic,

turnovers for breakfast: louisville's defense eats up stanford early

stupid college basketball. stupid bracketface.

all a ruse.

so based on that last entry i bet you thought i magically got whisked away to austin. haha! duped ya.

anyway, my friend "mason" (name has been changed to protect) never watches any of the videos i post because he's allergic to blargh videos, apparently (he also really really likes to smell things like CDs, and shoes, but hey that's totally normal). anyway, i just made him watch the "lost" one and yeah, what do you know, he thought it was LOL hilarious.

ruby: you have to watch the LOST video i posted
ruby: it's really short
"mason": one sec
"mason": LOL
"mason": yes
"mason": that one was worth it
ruby: i told you! i don't post crap!
ruby: well i do
"mason": hahah
ruby: but WHATEVER

anyway! i found another good one. SO WATCH THIS MASON OR ELSE MORE OF YOUR SECRETS WILL BE EXPOSED. or not. but do you really want to risk it?

from thisjustin:

Not satisfied with scoring big by uniting the violence-loving, tough-guy audience and the tough-guy loving, gay audience, producers of box office champ 300 are attempting to woo a much more finicky fan base... women. See how producers make a play for females by marketing the action flick with a slightly softer and sweeter trailer

so funny it almost made me cry. CLICK HERE if the video doesn't show up.

envy is a smelly cologne. or so they say.

i'm having, like, massive sxsw envy at the moment.

i wonder, if i click my heels three times and say "there's no place like austin" will i magically be beamed to the front row of this show?:

let's see...


there's no place like austin.


there's no place like austin.


there's no place like aust...*poof*

spring break me.

so i saw this article: spring break is so hott which lists the top spring break destinations for uh, i'm guessing, college students and such. in case you are wondering, CANCUN is the #1 destination this year. all this talk of spring break got me reminiscing a little, so i thought i'd do a little trip down spring break lane.

*cue flashback music & graphics here*

  1. my first spring break trip was to DAYTONA BEACH, FL my senior year of high school. about half of my friends were joining me in DB, while the rest were heading super south to mexico. the DB crew all kinda knew that the kids going to mexico (cancun, i think) were cooler in some weird way, but definitely didn't want to admit it. so it became this war of "WHO IS GOING TO THE COOLER SPRING BREAK DESTINATION?" and the battle waged on and off before the actual trips commenced. the true indication of which destination was best would be revealed upon returning and assessing who had the better tans, mexican braids or 3rd degree face burns. if 3rd degree face burns was the correct gauge of coolest destination, i think our team won. if it was better tans and/or mexican hair braids, well then we lost. we definitely lost.
  2. my freshman year of college was MAZATLAN, MEXICO with my friend heather. to be rebellious, i think, we took an alternate spring break and took a completely different week off than anyone else. i can't exactly remember why. so, when we arrived in mazatlan it didn't take long for us to realize that it was a ratio of 9:1 mexicans to americans. turns out? we selected the week of MEXICAN spring break. which was weirdly cool because i got to flex my spanish-speaking muscles. actually, i learned that three years of high school spanish = nada. we would hang out in our hotel room during nap time and watch beavis and butthead with subtitles, and then go out at night and ask people “donde esta la rana con huevos grandes” which translates to “where is the frog with big balls?” party hit! thanks beavis! thanks butthead!!
  3. next up was SOUTH PADRE ISLAND, TX my junior year of college. it was me, aaron, my friend angie and four other guys all stuffed into a shack on wheels (aka RV). we drove from minneapolis all the way down to the southern most point of texas and, somehow, lived to tell about it. by far, this was the craziest destination of them all. however, what happens in south padre stays in south padre. ‘nuff said. ps. if you ever want to “pretend” that your guy friends aren’t sex-crazed animals, i would recommend NOT going on spring break trips with them.
  4. my final true spring break destination was actually SAN DIEGO, CA my senior year of college. aaron’s brother had moved to LA some years before, and was stationed in SD whilst working on a project. so we visited him there, in La Jolla. it was lovely and refined and sophisticated. much like me, and fine wine. it was pretty much during this trip aaron decided he was going to quit college and move to california to become an actor. so i guess in retrospect, this was a pretty monumental spring break trip. who woulda thunk it?!

i guess that concludes the ruby spring break extravaganza.

to sum it up: if you happen to be a college kid looking for a hot place to go, my advice is to definitely, defintely NOT ask me.

ps. i also have been to south beach miami for the 4th of July, vegas for labor day weekend and new orleans during mardi gras, which all FELT like spring break, but technically weren’t. thusforth, i’ll save those stories for a rainy day.


well, ok


i wasn't going to make stupid picks because i hate stupid college basketball because i don't ever know what the stupid hell is going on. also? i am NOT awesome at making picks in general and, well, i hate to NOT be awesome.

well holy gonzaga! i found an email in my inbox moments ago from "out to launch" and it said that there was a bracket-o-matic thing that made making picks super easy!

it literally said, "do you root for the favorite or the underdog, the dynasty or cinderella? strength or speed? or someplace in the middle? Look no further than the Coke Zero Bracket-O-Matic."

usually i think anything with "o-matic" in its name is gonna pretty awesome, and most of the time, i'm damn right.

so anyway, it said you could "email a friend" and i thought i'd make it easy by "emailing my blog readers" so you too can look like you are Good at Things.


I have a bracket entry in the Coke Zero NCAA Bracket Challenge!!!.

Check out my Bracket!

Bracket Mania is live now on AOL Sports!

Host a private league for friends and family in
Coke Zero NCAA Bracket Manager!

Compete for great prizes, even after your bracket is busted, in Coke Zero NCAA Sweet 16 Challenge coming March 18th!

Good luck!


pps. it seems like i'm totally selling out to coke zero based on this entry, but i'm not. i still LOVE DIET DR. PEPPER THE MOST!!!!!!!!!! FOREVER!!!! I'M GOING TO HAVE DIET DR. PEPPER's BABIES!!!!!!

ppps. based on THIS, looks like i'm taking STANFORD for the big win. GO STANFORD!!!!!!!!!

uh, as you were.

must be.

suddenly, i'm craving horseradish.

this has never happened to me before, and i haven't had horseradish in years.

i must be pregnant. with a roast beef sandwich.

mystery solved.

fun with fonix.

my former boss is a pretty conservative, reserved and quiet fellow from upstate new york. so, imagine my shock when i overheard him talking one day about cookie puss and fudgie the whale. well, it was shocking because i have a gutter-brain. anyway, i was like NEAL! what are you referring to?! and ... then.... that's when i learned about carvel ice cream cakes.


flash forward to today when i was perusing copyranter and came across a little story about COOKIE O'PUSS, a special version of cookie puss just for st. pattie's day.

even better, there was a link to an old school commercial (link) and even better, there was a little ditty about how cookie puss was so inspiring, the beastie boys wrote a song about it (link)

i'm not sure why, but i LOVE it.

oh, wait, i know why! it's because i'm five years old. i forgot.



so i guess lost is struggling a little bit this season. i'm still a hard core die hard fan, and i've pledged to be as such FOREVER to my friend liana because otherwise we won't be able to have lost night. and then what will we do? then what!?

anyway, i can't decide how i want to spin this video from "this just in" so i'm just going to call it "the lighter moments of lost" if you want to see the original story, clicky here

please watch, you won't be sorry.

crazy is as crazy does.

**24 recap**

so i was all excited, obviously, for the appearance of the ricker on last night’s episode. just goes to show you that the best kind of expectations are low ones, because then you don’t set yourself up for disappointment.

so his performance? was ok. kind of like, ehhh.
i am interested in finding out what kind of shenanigans went down between mike doyle & milo ... but i’m hoping the ricker chills out a bit and maybe gets a little tan or something. looking a little pale.

what i really liked about last night was the return of martha and... AARON. dun dun dun. i guess it’s not too surprising that they are shacking up, i mean, last season the chemistry between them was pretty intense. but it was still weird to see them “together.” and also? super awkward when martha asks logan how it feels to see them as such. um, bad? oh and aaron’s got a hot new ‘do. is it orange? yellow? not sure. aaron’s trying to look sexy for his first lady, natch. i was actually stunned when martha stabbed him... she plays crazy really well. wow.

overall it was a good episode and thank gawd because i am already having heroes withdrawls so 24 is going to have to step it up in the interim.
an actul recap-y recap here


King Leonidas does my mall.

gerard butler sneaks in to see 300 at the grove

um. i might have possibly snuck out of work early and changed my theater choice had i known king leonidas was DOWN THE STREET seeing the movie at MY MALL.

Speak the Hungarian Rapper

my british friend, ben, sent me this and said "and you think europeans can't do hip hop."

yep, i still think i'm right about that, ben.

i'm outta this zoo, b*tches.

well, i know i ate a little too much thai food on saturday and my pants was a little snug in the belly area, but i don't think that's any reason to go and call me an ELEPHANT, for crying out loud. and yeah, i'm leaving the l.a. zoo because i'm sick of everyone in LA being so obsessed with looks.

suck it!

Ruby to leave L.A. Zoo for greener pastures

check ya later.

celeb sightings and such

it was a very hollywood weekend for me, starting out with a premiere party for the wedding bells on friday night and ending with an evening at the hotel cafe last night. i could bore you with all the details, but i'm not that self-absorbed, so i won't. no, really.

anyway, here are the highlights:

1. doing the "photo booth" with missi pyle on friday night (she's HYSTERICAL)
2. meeting christina applegate during a hike saturday afternoon (she's in aaron's acting class, and is very sweet)
3. spotting zachary quinto aka heroes' SYLAR at the bar at hotel cafe sunday evening (SUPER creepy in person as well)

you gotsa love the randomness that is hollywood.


300 pantless men.

i just saw the 300 movie. on opening weekend. with a theater full of crazy people. i only have these thoughts at the moment.

1. needs more blood. not gory enough.
2. my high school mascot was the spartan and we wore crimson. interestingly enough, i also had an aversion to pants and a long wiry beard........coincidence?
3. it's always important to color coordinate your candy choices with the movie you're watching. as such, we ate hot tamales (crimson) and junior mints (midnight black). i know? pretty awesome.
4. the guy who plays xerxes is THE LAME "NEW" CASTWAY from Lost. amazing.
5. spartans = the hottness
6. more blood!!!! NEEDS MORE BLOOD!!!!
7. even though my clock says 12:20a, it's actually 2:20a.

the end.


don't forget to SPRING AHEAD

it's my LEAST favorite time of year. the old SPRING AHEAD situation when i lose an hour of precious, sweet sleep. only this year, it comes almost a month earlier than usual i think? and instead of one hour, we are supposed to set our clocks ahead TWO hours. i know? isn't that insane? TWO HOURS.

ok, so i'm lying about the TWO HOUR thing. i'm just trying to show you that you can't believe everything you read on the internets. because if you did believe everything, the fact that i'm an internationally famous supermodel would just be common knowledge.

case in point:

ruby: hey did you know that we are supposed to set our clocks ahead TWO hours?
liana: bastard
liana: i just asked that out loud and now everyone thinks I'm a loser
ruby: duped ya

ruby: i am laughing so out loud
liana: hahahahaha
liana: jerko
liana: you should have seen their faces
ruby: so great

so there you have it. set your clocks ahead two hours and tell all your friends you know an internationally famous supermodel.

cheers, b*itches.

rocks for brains.

**survivor recap**

so i watched survivor after attending two happy hours (both on the west side!), so if i’m a little fuzzy on the details, blame it on captain chardonnay and sargeant tiredhead.

ravu is not looking good at all. even though they managed to avoid tribal council last week, they are still really weak and tired and hungry. rocky has a wide-eyed look on his face at all times, and i’m half-expecting him at any moment to drop down on all fours and start chewing on sticks and howling at the moon. yau man confides in his man, earl, that he has a solid list of clues and maybe they can callaborate to get this damn idol out of the sleeping area? so earl hooks a little brother up by taking the tribe on a wild goose chase for um? scenic views of the island? but not actual food? slick, earl, slick.

but, alas, the yauster is muy unsuccessful and the hidden idol remains true to its name. um, hidden. the yauster. does anyone else think i’m hilarious besides myself?

there was some montage about how rita and michelle like to talk about lip gloss or something and it bores the ever living shit out of the guys. and then there’s tree mail and its a bunch of pictures of things they may NEED and things they may WANT. rocky tries to convince the tribe that they should get the delicious chocolate cake, instead of you know, fishing gear or something. rocky’s losing his mind, right?

the reward challenge involves a really really sad sumo match where ravu’s lack of energy is actually painful. the only ravu tribe member to actually win one of the matches was effing YAU MAN, people. YAU MAN. the greatest part of that (besides how unassumingly awesome yau man can be in weird moments) is that he beats stacy. which was good. because, as it turns out? she’s a total bitchface. which we learn back at moto while they enjoy the fruits of yet another win. also a bitchface? lisi. but we already knew that one. alex & edgar start to think about actual strategy instead of stuffing their faces for once, and decide to think a little into the future about what might actually happen in a merger if they keep alienating dreamz and cassandra. who, incidentally, are already planning to flip upon a merge. SHOCKING.

moto wins the challenge (again, shocker) and so ravu is left to decide who goes and they actually surprise me by getting rid of rita instead or worthless anthony. they are all crazy.


Wedding Bells PREMIERE - tonight!

check out the premiere of the wedding bells tonight on Fox following american idol.
here are the reasons why you should:

1. because i said so

2. because my sister-in-law is in it and she's 100% awesome

3. because sarah jones is in it and she's freaking adorable

4. because i said so

5. because i said so.

just do it.


denial is a river in my brain.

i'm just going to pretend american idol didn't happen tonight. twas bad, bad stuff.

in case you didn't watch and want to be present for every bad, bad moment, go 'head, click this

however! what DID happen tonight was me finally going from crow pose into headstand pose TWICE in one night during yoga class. IMPRESSIVE, much?

(ps that's not me, i usually wear a pink unitard instead of blue, obviously.)

like a parasite

***heroes recap***

ok, so this was the last new episode we’ll see until the end of april. as a result, 839,543 things happened and i’m still trying to sort it all out. BEAR with me, ya’lll.

when we last left off, HRG was getting a bullet in the stomach and his brains cleaned out by the haitian. now the haitian and claire are on the lam and it looks like they’re going to leave the country. that is, until claire tries to pull a fast one at the airport and makes a detour to grandma’s house and is, ultimately, BUSTED when she realizes the haitian figured out her plan and was waiting there with grams. but hey, it’s a heart warming reunion. turns out grams was in on this little game all along.

meanwhile... HRG and mrs. bennet are trying to sort out who remembers what and are staying in a hotel because of the flooded basement (?) and it’s a vacation of sorts but they wish claire was there but too bad, she’s at “cheerleading camp.” we learn quickly that mrs. bennet remembers some choice items that HRG revealed to her the day before, before he had the haitian pull a mr. clean on his skull. he even wrote himself a note in his handwriting just in case. clever. it all seems to be going great at hotel bennet until there’s a knock at the door and it’s.... a bad actress. and also? the NEW HERO. and she’s got a little mission for HRG. and her name is candace? i guess?

so back at isaac’s pad, simone’s still allegedly dead and even though we saw her looking very undead in the previews for this week, confusion abounds. the police show up to investigate an anonymous tip (thanks to the petrelli bros.) and suddenly a very alive simone walks through the front door and wants to know what all the fuss is about. after the police realize it’s some sort of misunderstanding and leave, “simone” shapeshifts into CANDACE. ah ha! so simone is still totally dead, but candance is totally a shapeshifter. but still? a bad actress. i guess you can’t have it all.

hiro has some trouble trying to get to linderman’s sword in vegas, and during his attempt to get the sword, some guy triggers the security button and it looks pretty bad, but then it all ends well when “security” shows up and it’s ando! and he’s there to save the day! hiro FINALLY gets his powers back just in time to thwart some thugs and he teleports ando and himself into the very bleak future, where it looks like some gnarly shit just went down. dang. double dang.

turns out nathan is working with the FBI, jessica is hot in his tail and and i am bracing myself for another sick jessica murder but, thank god, niki has taken over and nathan is set free to go get linderman himself. he finds him and... oh wait it’s malcolm mcdowell.. and he knows all nathan’s secrets and looks like no one is going to have to die in this kitchen, today. *phew*

meanwhile, mohinder’s totally discovered that sylar is a lying, murdering bastard and drugs him with some chai latte. personally i would have used something stronger. maybe a valium, even. because it turns out? chai doesn’t do much to dilute sylar’s powers. eventually peter shows up and when he feels a bit o’ blood dripping from the ceiling ONTO HIS FACE, he looks up and sees mohinder all tacked up there and it looks pretty unsavory.

sylar’s waiting in the shadows with baited breath, and before you know it, he’s got our favorite hero up against the wall and he’s.... oh no..... he’s totally slicing open peter’s head.


this does not look good.

TO BE CONTINUED... IN APRIL.... ahhhhhhhh


quiz time!

what do eva mendes and i have in common?

a. we were both born in miami

b. we are both of cuban heritage

c. we were both born on march 5th

d. we are both totally hot actresses

please log your answers: now.


totes lunare.

brace yourselves, it's going to get totally lunar tomorrow night.

Total Lunar Eclipse Expected Saturday

HERE are some helpful hints on how to deal with and interpret signs from an eclipse. because, as you all know, it's eclipses are pretty intense.

and then watch THIS for your daily dose of awesome.

piscean nature.

it's been real, real cold and windy this week. i mean, for LA. and i was all yes, i love when it gets cold because then i can wear my fuzzy pajama pants and i can wear a coat and a scarf and etc. etc. but after, like four days of this weather i was all, yeah i've had enough of this. so then, today, they said it was going to warm up into, like the 70s this weekend. and i was like, noooo i'm not ready to give up my fuzzy pajamas and scarves yet.

and so it goes.

some people get kicked off american idol.

i'm not going to attempt to recap AI's elimination episode from last night because, well, i didn't watch it. but i did read this and felt like i was there. so you know, check it out.

ps. america is awesome for keeping anotonella. and by awesome i mean "drunk and horny."

the suck continues. or does it?

** survivor recap **

bad news, my friends. papa smurf cannot recover from what looks like a super severe case of the spins, and it's bon voyage for him. everyone seems to feel pretty bad, except lisi who views him as a giant baby that she doesn't want to have to babysit. aw, isn't she (and her hot red mullet) sweet? i'm a little confused as to what she brings to this super solid alliance of five on moto, because as far as i can tell, she's a whiny, jealous heartless mulletface. but that's just me. oh, and she sucks at the challenges too. but hey, maybe she's good at massages. nope, nope not that either. *scratches head*

ok, so ravu cannot pull its collectives head(s) out of its ass(es) enough to win a challenge. rocky goes on a slight rampage after the reward challenge which would have actually been really funny if i didn't think he was being serious about knowing, like, 40 homeless people that weigh 40 pounds more than him. or something like that. he also makes anthony cry, which, i have to admit, was pretty funny. in other news, mookie is totally hungry.

so instead of moping around, rocky decides to lighten the mood a bit by gettin' nekkid (AWKWARD) and then, after gentle coersion from the tribe, decides to get dressed in a bikini top compelete with coconut boobs. and he actually looks pretty hot. and then, shows up at the immunity challenge in drag. maybe rocky isn't the smartest survivor ever, but he sure knows how party. (that's what she said)

so anyway, it looked really promising for a moment for ravu during the immunity challenge, but then i guess i'm going to blame anthony's inability to do anything right for the ultimate loss. HOWEVER... a crazy twist in the game forces moto to decide between their camp o' luxury and immunity and camp o' luxury *gasp* WINS. this, just after alex was complaining about how gary leaving makes the number(s) game almost equal. i'm not sure i disagree with the idea of not giving up the luxury, but i'm not going to say this was a "smart" move. especially because they end up voting out one of their stronger tribe members (WHO ALSO HAPPENS TO BE GOOD AT MASSAGES AND FLIRTING) and keep one of their more worthless, albeit sweet, ones.

so even though ravu loses, they still kinda win. hey, that's neat. oh yeah, and up next, watch out for slippery little yau man to find the idol.... just sayin.


the girls can sing, but let's see, does anyone care?

**American Idol - GIRLS - "recap"**

i'm glad most of the girls are good. i really am. but i can't really be bothered to recap the whole thing.

so here's what i remember: lakisha, melinda and the short-haired lady were good. antonella and some other white girls were OK. but all i could think about was: antonella! what does your MOMMA THINK?

and then i thought "is it friday yet?"

the end.