stuff about where I live and play, and maybe some stuff about where I work and play.


dangle the carrot.

honestly? i had to dangle a CHARDONNAY-SHAPED carrot in front of myself to get through my treadmill run tonight. the entire time i'm running, i'm thinking, IF I RUN 7 MILES, I GET TO BUY MYSELF A BOTTLE OF WINE. 7 MILES. WINE. 7 MILES. WINE.

even though my calf & right inner shin (?) were screaming in pain and i had to pee really bad, i still ran 7 miles, damnit.

is it good or bad that i had to motivate myself with sweet liquor?

ANYWAY. this is the problem with aaron leaving town. i'm left to my own devices, which means i have to do my own grocery (wine) shopping. as much as you might think i'm good at everything, i'm actually TERRIBLE at grocery shopping. oh, you say you DIDN'T think i was GOOD AT EVERYTHING? well then, sirs and madams, you are MUCH smarter than you look. what? no you don't LOOK stupid! nevermind.

anyway, since i still had to PEE REAL BAD, i decided to stop at the corner store which has delicious, sweet wine for about 150% more than what you would pay at a regular grocery store. see? convenience, it's worth paying 150% more for something ON THE CORNER vs. GOING 5 BLOCKS DOWN.

so, i grab my over-priced bottle of wine and hop (pee dance) into line and get behind a man who seems to be vigorously doing something. this something may or may not be scratching a lotto ticket or somesuch. but, if that is the case, shouldnt he move out of line and scratch himself somewhere else? because HI I'M RUBY I HAVE TO PEE AND THIS WINE ISN'T GOING TO DRINK ITSELF. but, i'm in a pretty good mood (endorphins! better than liquor!) so i PATIENTLY wait (foot tapping loudly) until FINALLY the clerk says, uh sir, excuse me! and the SIR turns around ALL EMBARRASSED and is like OMIGOD i'm so sorry. i didn't know anyone was behind me!! (toobusyscratinglottoticketlikeacrackaddict)

and, because i'm in, like, an awesome mood, i laugh. and say no worries, SIR! and he looks down at the scratch-card-gold-flakes all over the counter and laughs again and says "I GUESS I WAS BEING A KID!" as he wipes the flakes off the counter and into his hand. and then he looks at my sweaty, red face, chilled bottle of wine and oversized bladder and says "OH I GUESS YOU ARE BEING AN ADULT!" HEHEHEHEHEHEHEH. awkward laughter ensues.

so that's how it all went down. the man and i exchanged pleasantries and then i BOOKED HOME to take care of business, which in reality means, POPPING THE CORK.

SORRY I HAVE A CAPS LOCK PROBLEM TODAY. i'm left to my own devices. i don't know any better.

mmmm sweet wine.

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

This post is hysterical. I also have to bribe myself to run. The other day it was Cool Ranch Doritos. I'm not sure what it will be tonight. Mac and cheese maybe? I love how I bribe myself with the most unhealthy crap ever, after doing so much good for my body!