so i find out that my sister-in-law is going to be in the audience of american idol, you know, “promoting” the wedding bells, so this information forces me to lift my imaginary boycott of the show and watch for her lovely face in the crowd. turns out? this was the best show so far this season, which basically means i wasn’t bored to tears and/or throwing things at my TV. and, indeed, i was mostly entertained.
so the theme was brit pop, i suppose. two people i’ve never heard of and will likely never see again are on hand to coach. some dude named peter noone for the boys and “lulu” for the girls. it seems unfair, in a way to have separate coaches, especially since this noone character seems to be the low rent version of simon, but whatever.
so haley comes out in some shorty shorts and proceeds to shake what her mama gave her as she meanders through “tell him.” i guess it was aite, nothing special, but my favorite part was when they panned to the wedding bells cast and they were laughing hysterically as haley shook herself in their faces. the judges were cool with it. oh, and this sets up what i like to call “i think i was on crack or something.” because i think i disagreed with the judges on, like, every performance. actually? i was hopped up on allergy meds and watching post-yoga. this is typically a comatose situation.
so chris r. sings a ballad called something or other, and as much as i really, really want to like it , i don’t. it’s nasally and boring and forced and what? the JUDGES LOVED IT. i don’t get it. but i still loves me some chris r, so whatever. and! he is still 100% less scary than sanjaya, so i hope he stays.
when stephanie came on, i took the opportunity to leave the room and microwave something. anything. she bores me. maybe she was good bu i wouldn’t know either way. something got microwaved though, i’ll tell you that much.
and then blake. ooohhhhh blake. i did like this performance mostly. he sang “time of the season” and smeared his blakeness allll over it. but he let me down on those notes where i wanted him to hit a homerun, and he just, like, bunted his way onto first base. i melted a little when he sang the “who’s your daddy” part of the song. it was just so, blake, you know? who is YOUR DADDY? blake lewis, b*tches. anyway. JUDGES LOVED IT. didn’t even mention the weaknesses about it. i think they have a clear agenda, and mostly, i’m glad that they are pining for my boys chris r & blake. but huh. HUH, i say.
lakisha comes out in bling bling and sings “diamonds are forever,” which, again, i liked a lot but the judges WEREN’T feeling it. huh? really??? ok. well. um.
ps/ am i on crack?
then, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER ,i actually liked Phil as he sings "Tobacco Road." and the judges? NOPE. i daresay they HATED it. wtf is wrong with me? or? is it them? i’m so confused now.
jordin sings "i who have nothing" and gave me the actual CHILLS, it was so good. the judges, thankfully, agreed with me, yet simon felt like jumping of a bridge when it was over because it was “sung beautifully, but it was soooo glooooomy.” oh, simon.
aaron leaves the room momentarily and i reveal to eddie that i think i have a crush on simon.
eddie rolls eyes.
then something really upsetting happens. sanjaya explodes onto the stage singing “you really got me” and actually has personality and isn’t super boring and creepy for once, but i’m still cringing for no apparent reason through the whole thing. meanwhile, there’s been this super weird crying girl in the audience the whole show and they keep showing her BAWLING her head off and it’s so upsetting and weird and comical and creepy that i just keep kicking at the TV hoping the whole thing will just end already.
yes. i was kicking at the tv, what?
and at the end, they tell sanj to go over and give ‘er a hug and she cries even harder and WILL SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE HER SOME ANTI-DEPRESSANTS ALREADY? this girl is effing nuts!
gina’s next with “paint it black.” I? love it. the judges? hate it. uhhhhhhhhh. at this point i agree to disagree with them. it’s cool. THEY are the crazy ones, uh, not ME.
chris sligh is up next with a zombies song called “she’s not there”, and try as he might to delight the Crowd, he falls short the Me. i had some love for ya sligh, right up until the words FRO PATRO left your mouth. now, we’re through. judges kinda liked him though. of course they did.
melinda closes with a mostly boring but well-sung performance of “as long as he needs me” and at this point i realize they aren’t going to be actually talking to my sis-in-law in the audience and thusforth i am tuning out. as for melinda? i think i kinda liked her, i think the judges really liked her. whatever.
i have absolutely NO idea who goes home tonight. none.