uh oh

87%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

raise your hand if you think i should be worried.

uh, thanks, weird celtics fans

i just wanted to drop a shout out to the Celtics Blog for linking to me yesterday and, in doing so, SEXTUPLING my usual number of daily visitors.

maybe i don't hate boston as much as i think i do (ps. i think i love boston)

k bai.

sometimes, i cross the line.

in almost every work "brainstorm" conversation i have, there is an inevitable "pushing of the envelope" dynamic that occurs wherein we all toe the line, push it a little, toe a little more and then, always, someone will go too far. it usually isn't me, (seeing as i am 100% class), but! i might have been that person today, when i realized this was actually coming out of my mouth,


"ooh! i know! why don't we have abigail breslin pose nude for playboy, it would be totally unexpected and i was thinking she probably looks good naked..." and then, suddenly, then i was the only person left in the room to ponder the ramifications of such a thing.


OBVIOUSLY it was a joke.

but still.



yeah. sorry about that abigail. no, really.

minnesota sports fans are CURSED, i tell you. (aka EFF YOU BOSTON)

many of you know that i've been cursed with being a minnesota sports fan, for, well, my whole life. and just when i thought things couldn't get any worse, our beloved Timberwolves leader, Kevin Garnett, up and moves to freaking Boston. Additionally, my beloved (and always "my heart") Randy Moss has moved from the Raider Nation to New England, where i hear they have a pretty decent team.

dudes, it's NOT FAIR. and i don't want to whine, but i will. NOOOOOOOT FAAAAAAIRRRR!

however, i do take some solace in the fact that i can revel in the misery with my fellow minnesotans. you know, because, misery loves company. i was also weirdly comforted by two posts in the sports guy's mailbag which i shall transcribe for your own misery-laden reading pleasure.

Q: I have been a T-Wolves fan almost my whole life. I was in seventh grade when we drafted Kevin Garnett and he has been my hero ever since. He's the reason I was ever interested in the NBA and I even wore his number throughout my own basketball career. Seeing how Kevin McHale has completely destroyed my hometown team … I'm wondering if per your rules of being a true fan, am I allowed to drop the Wolves in favor of the Celtics? I want to be a real fan, but I have so much respect for KG and very little for the Timberwolves organization. Can I switch teams without being a fraud?--Jenna, St. Michael, Minn.

SG: Absolutely. According to my "20 Rules for Being a True Fan" column from 2002 (which needs to be updated to account for the fact that I've broken at least four of the rules since it was written), one of the addendums in Rule 19 clearly states you can switch teams or renounce a franchise altogether (as I did with the Bruins) as long as "the owner of your favorite team treated his fans so egregiously over the years that you couldn't take it anymore." In the case of the pathetic T-Wolves, this rule clearly applies. When I write a 2.0 version of the column someday, we need to add an additional rule called "The Ray Bourque Corollary," in which you're allowed to follow your favorite player to another team for the rest of his career, as long as he left because of front-office incompetence and as long as he stuck around as long as he possibly could -- to the point that everyone was imploring him, "GO! JUST GO!" -- before finally asking out of the abyss.

(With that said, I really hope the Minnesota fans give Al Jefferson and Ryan Gomes a chance. Both those guys are good, and both of them give a crap. Please be gentle with them. If there was ever a time when a GM should have slipped on a Robin Williams beard and a cardigan and done the "It's not your fault, it's not your fault" monologue with two players he was trading, it was Danny Ainge with Gomes and Al. Those guys will be heard from on a good team. At some point.)


ruby says: so it's OK if i'm a Celtics AND a Patriots fan this year?
no?
ok, nevermind.


Q: First Ortiz, then Moss, now KG? Boston can kiss my Minnesota ass.--Kevin, Minneapolis

SG: Just wait until we come after Prince, Bob Dylan and the Mall of America. We're not done yet.


ruby says: i mean, come on. this isn't even funny. this just makes me want to stab myself in the abdomen with a syringe full of alcohol and throw my hands in the air and say "I GIVE UP." but i won't.

i'm way too classy.

my heart <3

Warm fuzzies for the day.

makes me kinda want to raise a baby lion. or bear. something big enough to eat me whole, but cuddly enough to hug me whilst standing on its hind legs and such.

IOD! ABORT!

ok, so, i can't decide which quality i like more about the "pick-up artist." [wait, before i go there, please tell me you are watching this most awesome piece of television brilliance. if you aren't, get yourself to VH1, pronto, and get aboard the MYSTERY train, ya'll.] so back to the qualities. it's like 25% creepy, 25% sad, 25% brilliant and 25% actually, really informative.

firstly, the creepy. tonight's episode featured the contestants making out with peaches to practice their kissing skills, and then, each one got to kiss an actual real live {BLINDFOLDED} girl. they were then judged on how well they made out with said girl. it's hard to explain the creepiness level of the aforementioned actions unless you actually saw them, but trust me, it was creepy squared. creepy to the nth degree, even.

the sad. well. it's all pretty sad, actually. the premise is that these guys are pretty socially retarded. MYSTERY is their "teacher" and, well, let's have VH1 tell us the story:

The VH1 series, THE PICK-UP ARTIST, is a tale of transformation. For these eight lovable losers, "socially awkward" is the understatement of the year. And when it comes to this lonely hearts club, desperate times call for desperate measures. Enter Mystery, best-selling author and ultimate pick-up artist--a former nerd from the Great White North who has discovered the secret to wooing women. Under his expert tutelage, he'll guide this group of hapless horndogs through the rough waters of romance and help them find the courage to overcome their biggest fear--talking to women.

nice, right? anyway, it's sad, but it's also? totally hopeful.


by brilliant, i just mean, it's actually really well-produced. it's slick, it's modern, it's got a lot of weird medallions and earpiece items. it's especially "well-produced" when, say, you compare it to its bastard cousin, "beauty & the geek," for example.

the final piece of knowledge i'm going to drop is the PUA lingo sheet. it's hard to fully appreciate this lingo unless you're a die hard fan a la moi, but i think you can get the gist.

print it out, and put it on your fridge. it comes with a 100% guarantee of looking like a dork if you do.

{click for bigger image}

so awesome it hurts my parts.

here comes a sucker.

my post-run* saturday was a particularly productive day, as evidenced by the awesome blog posts i scraped together for your reading enjoyment. in fact, it was so productive that i managed to watch 3 solid hours of big brother after dark, read approx. 18 big brother blogs, take a nap, eat some delicious boxed thai food and then! only then! was i able to actually leave my house to amble over to the hole-in-the-wall nail joint 1.5 blocks away from my house.


i haven't been to this particular fine establishment in about a year, and i guess a lot can happen in 365 days. they had added some pretty impressive new amenities. such as! massage chairs! people magazines from the current calendar year! a flat screen tv with cable access! etc! also! whilst getting my nails did, the kindly korean lady asked if i wanted her to massage my road-weary feets and calves longer. um, hellz yeah i did! so she went about 10 minutes longer than usual as i sunk into a state of zen-like nirvana.


at the end of it all, i floated over to the old-time ATM to take out some cash to pay for what i thought would be a $12 pedicure, and hey! you know what? it's actually $28, please. uh. i guess that's why she specifically asked if i wanted to sit in the massage chair vs. the regular chair and then that's why she specifcally told me that the 10-minute extra massage would actually be "ten dollah" more. maybe that's why they said top secret things about me in korean and then giggled about it way longer than they should have. (giggled all the way to the bank, sucker!)

i guess the old adage still holds true. there's no such thing as a free korean massage.

and/or maybe i should leave my "here comes a sucker" t-shirt at home next time i pony up to get my nails did.



*ps. i did actually run 1o miles and then go to the gym for a half hour to work on my fitness before morphing into a couch blob, just so you know.

scene of the crime:

speaking of "photo booth" fun....

the two-headed cosette monster.

Mid West: REPRESENT

or

West Mid: REPRESENT

comic books are so hott right now.

thermalicious

"sticking it" to the iMan

last night, post-happy hour, aaron, his brother and i started debating the various pros and cons of macs vs. PCs, like, for the millionth time. the thing is, aaron used to be a mac guy, then i converted him back to PC, and now his entire family is going mac all over the place and aaron is currently straddling the mac/PC line, literally. in his home office sits a gigantic toshiba laptop and in the living room on the coffee table (because it is ever so pretty) sits a sleek black mac. i don't know what kind it is. i pretend to hate it.

[except when we play with the photo booth and iChat with his brother whilst in korea, then i love it the most.]

as of the last two weeks or so, aaron and i seem to be the only people in his family without the stupid iphones. and i say stupid in the most affectionate way because, well, if someone were to GIVE me one, like for free, i would be in total and utter love with it. but because i misplaced the $499 i had lying around, i am unable, at the moment, to own such a frivouous (albeit pretty amazing) piece of crap.

so anyway! because i pretend (verrrry effectively, i might add) to hate most things that start with "i," i was weirdly excited when i read that someone had managed to UNLOCK the iPhone so that they could use tmobile instead of at&t. the funny thing is? only at&t actually suffers from this seemingly miraculous development. but the fact that SOMEONE HACKED THE IPHONE makes me giggle with weird, creepy glee.

you too? awesome.

"totally hott" dude makes history



"look ma, i hacked it"
"which of you ladies wants me to 'unlock' your heart?"
"so much for modeling. hacking, here i come!"
"i'm awesome!!"

etc...

Heroes Season 2 ~ Special Promo

SO excited. can hardly stand it.

more fun than a barrel of white-faced saki monkeys

dear all 23 lovely, gorgeous readers,

please click here and then vote for your favorite.

love you long time,
rubiq


ps. mine! all mine:

it's about that time.

Dear marathon training program,

Where does it make sense that when you run upwards of 25 miles a week that you are allowed to gain weight? Shouldn’t the fact that I’m running circles around my former, skinnier self be enough to put me in the Nicole Richie pre-pregnancy weight class? Does it make sense that I have a growing paunch-belly even though I have no actual BABY inside me?? About as much sense as lindsay lohan getting a DAY of jail time for being a coked-out car chaser, you stupid hard core bastard.

Ps. I love you, please don’t hurt my knees.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear every single kind of food in the universe,

Please stop looking, smelling and tasting so good. Stop making me hunger every single one of the 24 hours in a day. Especially 3:45AM. No one should be hungry at this hour. Even if you’re stupid drunk and at a pizza place. Well, maybe just then. And only then.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear labor day weekend,

Get here faster. Momma wants her palm springs pool vacation, like now. K THX BAI.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear car,

Fix your stupid blinker before someone rear ends the living hell out of us. It’s getting scary and I don’t want to do one of those arm-outside-the-window moves to signal that I’m turning left. I’d rather get the living hell rear ended out of me. Yes, I’m THAT adverse to arm movements whilst in a moving vehicle. I blame the “FLUME” ride at Valleyfair in Minnesota.



Story for another time.

Are you still here? Go fix yourself already!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear co-workers,

I’m so glad you are all just as inappropriate as I am, and some of you, even moreso. I love you all the most. Except for YOU, the one who seems to have lost their personality somewhere along the way, and YOU, who sounds like a pig getting slaughtered when you laugh (shut your door already). The rest of you, I love.

Ps. Thanks for the drinks. You know what? Thanks for the memoooooorieeeeees too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear big brother 8,

please continue to be awesome. i don't think it's possible for you to be any more awesome, but if you could muster a up just a little more awesome, that would be enough awesome to make me explode, and that would make for really great TV. like i told one of my big brother fan friends, sometimes i'm actually convinced that I am on big brother and you are all WATCHING me. it's this kind of warped reality you bring to my life, so thx. oh, and also, please replace every instance of "awesome" in this letter with "soul-sucking."

K THX BAI!

LOL. shut your face.

the thing about LOL, is that it's kind of usually a lie. how many times have you typed LOL with just a smirk on your face, or, better yet, without even so much as a smile? you know? so are you actually LOLing? can anyone ACTUALLY hear you laughing? or is it just a LOL in YOUR MIND. ponder that, my b*tches.

i actually stopped using LOL awhile ago, when i realized i was more than ten years old. should a women of my *ahem* maturity and sophistication REALLY be using acronyms to describe my feelings about something? and, if so, shouldn't they more accurately reflect how i'm actually feeling? maybe i'm not so much laughing at loud as i am "cringing at the bad joke you just made" or CATBJYJM. or somesuch.

i didn't really want to go on a tangent about LOLing. what i really wanted to do is show you something that ACTUALLY made me laugh out loud. a site called odeee put together a list of 15 unfortunately placed ads such as this:







you really should check out the whole list. then, you too can have people wandering into your office to see what all the "fuss" is about. it's good stuff i tell you. and i don't LOL as a courtesy.

beleeeev dat.


ps. i'm going to hell for laughing at this, aren't i?

turn 'em straight.

so my friend tony is in town visiting from london for a few weeks on "holiday" or whatever they like to call it across the pond. he's here with his "housemate," who i think calls himself al or alex or allan or karl, but because i forgot his name within .03 seconds of meeting him, i just pointed at him all night and called him "he" or "you" when i needed to address him.

anyway, so they are traveling to san fran on the "road trip to end all road trips" and since they are a couple of dudes, and they are going to be visiting such places as the "madonna(r) inn" and some wineries etc. in santa barbara along the way, the figure they will often get mistaken for being a gay couple (which they are not, actually, they are just european, you know).

so aaron, wise one that he is, recommends that they "use it to their advantage." i chime in "yes! you can just say that you are gay, but are looking to find the right girl to 'turn you straight.' girls love that shit." and as i type this now, i realize that about 1.2 million single "girls" would probably love to kill me for that comment.

so, um, sorry.

but ANYWAY, it was super funny, like, if you were there.

(ps, tony and al? are totally single and looking to mingle if anyone is interested in some british cavorting)

milestones.

i did my longest run ever today. we logged 15 miles in 2 hours, 25 minutes and 30 seconds. it went surprisingly well, minus the nagging knee pain that appeared at about 14.3 miles.

i have to say, it felt awesome getting to 13, and the 14 and then achieving a new "1st."

now we're off to a wine tasting and then some good old hollywood bar hopping to celebrate that which is awesome. plus, we'll be cheap dates considering we burned all of our daily calories already today. awesome tooooown.


15 miles and 7 weeks down...... 11 miles and 11 weeks to go.


marathon me, baby!

Max the French Bulldog

ok maybe i need to call it a day if all i'm doing is posting french bulldog videos?

When French Bulldogs Attack

maybe it's only funny if you own a frenchie. *shrugs*

chillin. it's friday!

big brother is messing with my mind.

what i'm loving about this season of big brother is that i don't particularly like any one person. in fact, my emotional investment purely revolves around varying degrees of dislike. i think every single person left in the house has been on my sh*t list at least once so far this season, so my motivation for whomever i want nominated/evicted etc. is all motivated by not liking one person less than i don't like another person.

for example! at many points throughout the season, i've totally been over dick. but then, the dustin/amber/jameka alliance became so obnoxious that if it didn't break up soon, i was going to vomit all over myself. therefore, dick became the anti-hero and when he won POV, i LEPT out of my seat and did some weird arm-pumping motions that, when interpreted, meant "YESSSSS."

ok, and now that dustin has been evicted, i'm all of a sudden noticing that i WANT eric to win HoH, because suddenly he's at the bottom of my least-liked list. but normally, eric's weird twitching and weaseling totally eeks me out. but now? i kind of want to see him and jess (whom i COULDN'T STAND for like, the first two weeks) hook it up, you know? (you totally do too)

i feel sort of crazy when i watch it. which, of course, i like. but i have to admit, my addiction is definitely a problem. i'm almost embarrassed to admit to my co-workers that i maybe, possibly watch 12 hours of BB footage a week. i wish i was lying. but even stranger is my need to tell people about my problem. it's almost like i'm proud of the fact that i see more hours of BB8 than i see of the sun.

but don't kid yourself. i won't be checking into BB8aholics anonymous anytime soon.

it feels good to be bad.

heidi montag can "sing"?

weirdly and unexpectedly, i found myself listening to the debut single from heidi (from the hills) (featuring spencer (p)ratt rapping)



here's a little summary of how that all turned out

ruby: kiss premieres heidi's first single
tenna: HA! I heard that this morning!!!
ruby: ahh ahahah
ruby: i liked it despite myself (in spite of myself?)
tenna: are you rocking out to it over it there>
ruby: a little bit
ruby: boydddyyyyy lannnnguuuuageeee
tenna: it is super catchy
tenna: especially when Spencer sees the pearl, Heidi, his girl
ruby: oh no he didn't
tenna: oh, yes, yes he did



anyway, i found it on perezhilton.com this morning, but this afternoon, here comes the disclamer (VIA perezhilton.com)





The song we posted earlier this morning is not Heidi Montag’s first single, sources reveal exclusively to PerezHilton.com.


The Hills star is furious that Ryan Seacrest played the song on his radio show Thursday morning and she has been crying all morning.


But, it’s not Ryan’s fault, sources tell us.


“The record company leaked the track,” an insider reveals. “Spencer and Heidi were just having fun in the studio and working on songs. That was not meant to be released. Spencer would never rap on Heidi’s first single.”


Either way, this will get the buxom blonde some attention.


With the right producers, she could churn out some hot pop tunes.



I'm surprised i'm even admitting i listened to it, rocked out a little to it and, NOW? i'm "following the saga."



I need some help, people.







ps. i do think it's fun and catchy.

pps. i know.

effervescent. sweet.

so i got this email from my sister-in-law the other day:


The Game is ON.

Describe ME in one (1) word....just one single word. Send it to me - and to me only. Then send this message to all your friends and see how many strange & interesting things they say about you. This is really fun! Here's how:

1. Hit the reply key and send me my one word.
2. Then return to this message and forward it to your friends (including me) and see what people say about you when limited to one word!!

so, naturally, i sent it to everyone i thought would respond with a positive word. i know! smart! weirdly enough, two people responded with "effervescent" and one person used "refreshing." initially i thought wow -- pretty awesome, right? i'm like a SOFT DRINK, baby. but then i looked up effervescent and now i'm wondering, really, which definition did they ACTUALLY mean to use..

was it:


1.effervescing; bubbling.

OR

2. vivacious; gay; lively; sparkling.


and it if it was #1, which definition of "effervesce" do i assume...

1. To emit small bubbles of gas, as a carbonated or fermenting liquid. .
2. To escape from a liquid as bubbles; bubble up.
3. To show high spirits or animation.



so i'm hoping they meant that i "show high spirits or animation," but now i'm worried....


OR MAYBE:

marked by high spirits or excitement; "his fertile effervescent mind"; "scintillating personality"; "a row of sparkly cheerleaders" .......


whatever. i think too much. (and apparently? bubble a lot)

only 79 costume planning days left...

From the YAHOO BUZZ LOG files

the buzz log

Costume Watch: Early Halloween Trends
By Erik Gunther
Fri, August 10, 2007, 8:06 pm PDT

To plan the proper costume for Halloween, you need to get an early jump. Anyone dude can buy a pirate costume and any chick can throw together a fairy costume by October 31. But not you. You want something trendy, unique, and in tune with the times.

Halloween devotees are already busy searching on the outfits you'll spy around the punch bowl on All Hallow's Eve. In that ghoulish spirit, we checked out the Search data for the hottest new costume ideas. It's only August, but here are the top 20...

1. Hannah Montana Costume
2. Spartan 300 Costume
3. High School Musical Costumes
4. Transformers Costumes
5. Optimus Prime Costumes
6. Naruto Costumes
7. Hairspray Costumes
8. Venom Costume
9. Halo Master Chief Costume
10. Underdog Costume
11. Black Spider-Man Costume
12. Hermione Costume
13. Ghost Rider Costume
14. Bellatrix Lestrange Costume
15. Queen Gorgo Costume
16. Murloc Costumes
17. Leonidas Costume
18. World of Warcraft Costumes
19. Elizabeth Swann Costume
20. Sharpay Costume

Final notes on early costume trends...

—Our list is dominated by movie-inspired get-ups. But "300" rules all. Expect to see half of Sparta marching to your doorstep in search of candy.

—Popular video game World of Warcraft made its presence felt at #16 and #18.

—Disney continues its stranglehold on the hearts and minds of the nation's youth. After last year's frilly princesses and creepy Jack Sparrows are packed away, here come High School Musical and Hannah Montana for even more dress-up inspiration.

yeah yeah yeah, you're welcome.

i just want you all to know...

... that i hate Big Brother 8's amber.

she's the most self-righteous, hypocritical, psuedo-religious, embarrasing excuse for a human being ever!

more on "why" click here

but just in general.... ugh.

that is all.

i can't believe i'm posting this

i also can't believe how addicted i am to tay zonday.


please now, view this scary interpretation of chocolate rain served up via the terrifying new body of Kuato from Total Recall ....

"terrifying... "

--rubiquity

chocolate rain

i guess i'm the last person to discover this? how is that even possible?

weird + creepy + nonsequitor = AWESOME TOWN

when you're done watching, CLICK HERE to see how many copycats have appeared. FASCINATING!

awesome town.

it's business time, b*tches!

dear, sweet flight of the conchords fans:

in case ya didn't know, the FOTC EP, The Distant Future, arrives in stores today. it features awesome hits from the show like If You’re Into It, Robots and (hellz yeah) Business Time.

it’s a taste of what we can expect from their full-length album, scheduled for an october release. (GIDDY!)

AOL is streaming it this week...

it's business tiiiiiime!

sincerely,
rubix

tenna is my favorite.

ruby: although the smell of money sometimes colors my normally rational thinking
tenna: your smelling monkey?
ruby: um
tenna: oh
tenna: MONEY
tenna: HAHAHAHA
tenna: WTF
tenna: hahahahahahhaa
ruby: the smell of monkey does something totally different than the smell of money

god is so gangster!

i can't decide if Big Brother 8's jameka had the all-time best rationale for having strong faith, or the worst. After being selected to play for Power of Veto, jameka runs around the house telling everyone that she is going to play for Jen, since Jen picked her name. her faith in God leads her to believe that this happened for a reason, and it would be a bad idea to go against God's plan. um. OK. but as she's explaining her rationale to amber, she lets this little beauty fly:

"God is so gangster; that's what I love about him."

All this time I thought God was something totally different. Now that I know he's gangster, well, i mean, there's nothing left to do but worship his High Gangsterness.

more on what went down in last night's episode click -> Jameka: “God has already ordained who is going to win” Big Brother 8



hee.