stuff about where I live and play, and maybe some stuff about where I work and play.

2.05.2008

i do this a lot. mostly, i'm not funny.

...when i clean my plate at a restaurant, i will tell the server that i "hated my meal! send it back to the kitchen!" they will laugh awkwardly, trying to figure out if i'm being sarcastic or not, realize i am being COMPLETELY SARCASTIC, laugh a little less awkwardly and then quickly walk away to get the check. 90% of the time this joke falls flat. 100% of the time, i find it to be HIlarious.

...i will try to slip in "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" in the most inappropriate/ mixed company situations. 30% of the time this joke is successful. when it IS successful, it's brilliance in motion. the other 60% of the time? i just look like a moron.

...when people ask me if i smoke, i will say "well, no, NOT cigarettes!" and then wink, as if to say, I SMOKE SOMETHING ELSE. 50% of the time people will say, oh? so do you smoke weed? and then i will say, well, uh, no. so then they are like, oh. ok. the other 50% of the time people will just ignore me. this joke is never funny.


what are your stupid, recurring jokes?

6 comments:

c-kat said...

I used to do the first one you mentioned until one time it looked like the server was about to cry when I told her the meal had been horrible. She was like, "OMG. I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm supposed to do." And I had to explain, "It was a joke. Why would I clean my plate if I hated the meal?" Then I just got a 'you are so weird joke.'

I think my worst jokes though realte to health stuff. I've taken a lot of courses in herbs, homeopathy, reiki etc and sometimes I make jokes like if someone says they've forgotten something and they must be getting old, I'll say, "Better pop the ginkgo biloba," and they'll just look at me strangely and say, "what the hell is that?" Or if something shoking happens I'll say, "I'm having an aconite moment."
When I explain it seems to upset them even more.

Anonymous said...

"That's what she said!" frequently slips out of my mouth. In addition, other Office influenced lines amongst a company of non-Office viewers. "If you don't know a Michael Scott, you are a Michael Scott." I think I'm a Michael Scott.

Maddy said...

What happens the other 10% of the time you do the "that's what she said" joke?

I am a research jerk!

ruby said...

turns out? i also can't add. thanks for pointing that out, research jerk.

The Angry Georgian said...

My jokes are just mean and people don't like them.

rockinraquel said...

i am known for using "that's what she said" about 5 times a day...i also like to tell stories