...when i clean my plate at a restaurant, i will tell the server that i "hated my meal! send it back to the kitchen!" they will laugh awkwardly, trying to figure out if i'm being sarcastic or not, realize i am being COMPLETELY SARCASTIC, laugh a little less awkwardly and then quickly walk away to get the check. 90% of the time this joke falls flat. 100% of the time, i find it to be HIlarious.
...i will try to slip in "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" in the most inappropriate/ mixed company situations. 30% of the time this joke is successful. when it IS successful, it's brilliance in motion. the other 60% of the time? i just look like a moron.
...when people ask me if i smoke, i will say "well, no, NOT cigarettes!" and then wink, as if to say, I SMOKE SOMETHING ELSE. 50% of the time people will say, oh? so do you smoke weed? and then i will say, well, uh, no. so then they are like, oh. ok. the other 50% of the time people will just ignore me. this joke is never funny.
what are your stupid, recurring jokes?