what the nuts!?

Got this email from my stepdad yesterday!


Friday evening, January 9, the [name redacted] features a pro wrestling card. One of the matches pits the White Ninja against The Assassin. It seems Mr. Assassin has been less than dedicated to his assassin-type duties, so understudy [my little brother, Ryan] has gotten the nod to don the black Assassin outfit and take on the Ninja. Going forward, Ryan can develop his own character, outfit, entrance music and the like. Maybe one of us can be his ringside manager, messing up his opponents while Ryan distracts the ref. Career opportunities abound. I’ll let you all know how it goes. (I asked Ryan about medical insurance. He said he can be covered from his job at Dollar Bill’s if he’s there another couple weeks.) Happy New Year & Love – Steve “The Sandman” (Finishing move: Having opponents doze off from long-winded stories.)

and I was all like FOR REAL??


It’s real. The Assassin has been rehearsing all week and is at the Legion now going through his moves with The White Ninja. He should be first up on tonight’s card, as it’s an initiation match. He’s all high on the whole thing – feels he’s found his calling. His entrance music tonight will be Highway to the Danger Zone. Pictures for sure. I’ll update you on his new persona. The Assassin appreciates your support. Love, peace & enlightenment – “The Sandman”


like, whoa.