whatever, i'm just doing this for you.

Obviously, I didn’t watch EVERY SINGLE season premiere that aired this week. I’m an extremely busy and cultured lady and I don’t have time to sit around and watch TV all the damn day long.

I mean, seriously.

However, somehow, I did manage to watch 7 season premieres and two season finales... so you can do the math about how busy my social calendar was this week.

Shut up.


OK, so here’s my VERY topline summary/report on what I saw.

Finales

Big Brother 8: evel dick blahblahblahh eh. B-
Last Comic Standing. Double eh. C+

Premieres

Prison Break.
SUPER confused, which translates to SUPER intrigued, which translates to GOOD. I give it a B+. This grade will drop considerably if Bellick keeps running around sans pants. Um, vomit.

K-Ville.
I can’t say I was able to watch more than 3.3 minutes of this. The word “boring” comes to mind. Sorry dudes. C-

Beauty & The Geek.
It’s been awhile since I almost hurt myself laughing. The first half of the premiere was whatever, lame. But the second half was mostly: brilliance in motion. So great, this show. It will fill the giant void in my tiny heart that Pick-up Artist will leave. And please believe this will be a huge, gaping hole. However, the "surprise gender" twist? LAME in your face.

Gossip Girl.
Yeah, so. I felt naughty watching it, which means it will be relegated to being my guilty pleasure that I tivo in the bedroom only so that I can watch while I “clean my room” on Saturdays after my long training runs. Roughly, in the same category as The Hills, but surprisingly better and the music is ta die fer. A-

American’s Next Top Model.
The first episode is always exposition and blahblahblah screaming over tyra boring more tyra too much exposition blah. So it’s nor really fair to truly grade this, but I will be watching, anyway, because I’m a ANTM whore, despite the fact that I actually loathe tyra’s stupid self-righteous face. B

Kid Nation.
Just when I thought I had enough reasons to keep babies out of my life, here comes another reason. KIDS! Could they BE any more obtuse? Could they BE any more annoying? OK, granted, some are totally adorable and I want to squish their faces off. But let’s be honest. Those are the exception to the rule. I will be definitely be tuning in next week to find out if they kill a chicken or not, because, truly, I am THAT morbid. But I can’t imagine this one will leave a lasting impression on my HIGHLY cultured and refined taste menu. B-

Survivor.
MAYBE I was bitter when it started because I was like OMG why is there ANOTHER mullet-head and no ME*? I could have done this show SO MUCH BETTER than effing CHICKEN or stupid whatever-her-face is. But once I got over myself (I know, right? About time!) I fell in like with: james and aaron and, as always, I do believe I am in it for the long haul. Loves this show. Can’t help mahself. A


Dear Brain Cells,

Come back to me. I’m truly and deeply sorry for drowning you with sweet alcohols and too much soul-draining teevee.

Love you long time,
Rubes



*if you are a new reader, please review this post to read about my survivor audition experience. obvsly, i didn't make it....

and the winner is...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

NOT nate & ceci!!

yay!!

i'm actually happy for megan and scooter. or maybe i am just so happy that ceci didn't win that a monkey with high heels and a paper bag hat and a owl with horn-rimmed glasses and an aversion to deodorant could have entered the competition at the last minute and won and i'd still be happy.

and let this be a lesson to everyone: if you are a hooker face, you lose.

hooker faces and the geeks.

** BEAUTY AND THE GEEK RECAPSULET**

honestly? honestly??!?? couldn't be more disappointed with the so-called beauties that have ended up in the final two.

sure, sure, there's something charming and sweet and likable about scooter and nate. and based on such lines as "i think this is a greek tragedy" coming from nate, i absolutely think he's ... geek chic....

but CECILLE AND MEGAN? i mean, really. REALLY!??

i'm really super annoyed with this outcome.

my feeling is that they bring back some of the couples to make the final decision on who made the biggest transformation (not CECILLE, that hooker face!) (and yes liana, i did steal hooker face) and that's the SUPER SURPRISING TWIST of the season finale.

but i think nate & cecille are going win it and that is JUST A CRYING SHAME.

damnit. this is not how it all played out in my beauty & the geek finale fantasy. STUPID (*&^$*&^$*(&

and yes IN FACT I DID OVERUSE CAPS IN THIS ENTRY. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?!?!?!?!