So it’s official. MISSION: CONDO is officially underway. I received a PRIORITY BUYER PRE-APPROVAL letter from my bank yesterday. They would have had it sooner, but I had to cook my books to make it look like I was running a legitimate business vs. running an illegal drug trade operation out of our 2nd floor duplex. You know, and provide “proof” of income an assets and whatnot. I mean, what? Why do you guys want to know what I make? How rude.

So anyway, let’s not belabor the details. We are officially searching and it is, um, SCARY. Only because, well… I think I may be biting off more than I can chew in terms of thinking a mortgage payment that essentially doubles what I’m paying in rent right now somehow “reasonable.”

But again, details shmetails.

We’re primarily focusing in on DOWNTOWN LA because we think it sounds cool to say “Oh, yeah, so we’re going to go look at a few condos downtown this weekend.” I mean. Right? How awesome are we? But in reality, downtown LA isn’t quite on the level of SUPER AWESOME … yet. But it will get there, oh yes, it will. We only have, like, a million requirements right now, but I’m told that this list will start to dwindle once we find places in the range that we can “afford.”

Here’s what we NEED, uh right now:

-2BR, 2BA
-Fitness center (on-site! Treadmills required!)
-Pool (preferably roof-top)
-Jacuzzi (w/ a “no freaks allowed” rule)
-Fireplace (for those cold winter nights)
-Dog Park (w/ automatic dog poo removal! Haha! I’m kidding!)
-Washer/Dryer in unit (A MUST MUST MUST, we are DIRTY KIDS!)
-Dishwasher, Refrigerator, Stove (I know, we are such snobs!)
-Cool islandy-thingie in the kitchen (you know)
-Walk-in closets (one closet for just my shoes alone! No! Yes!)
-Hardwood floors (two French bulldogs with vomit issues, hello)
-Vaulted ceilings with a huge wall for our upcoming giant flat screen TV (negotiable)
-Custom Mouldings (whoa! I’m just kidding! I don’t even know what that means)
-Close promimity to the Metro Red Line
-And so on

I'm willling to trade the jacuzzi for a sauna and/or steam room, obvsly, but I don't want to go too crazy.

SO. I think this should go well.


In other news… one of the boots I’m wearing today somehow creates a little pocket of air on the left side of the right boot. When I walk a certain way, the boot position aligns with my inner foot arch to make sort of a “farting” noise. While some might think, WHOA! How awesome!! I like to think it creates a bit of an issue when attending client meetings. Funny? OH YES. Classy & Professional? YEAH, NO.


As you were.

what the nuts!?

Got this email from my stepdad yesterday!


Friday evening, January 9, the [name redacted] features a pro wrestling card. One of the matches pits the White Ninja against The Assassin. It seems Mr. Assassin has been less than dedicated to his assassin-type duties, so understudy [my little brother, Ryan] has gotten the nod to don the black Assassin outfit and take on the Ninja. Going forward, Ryan can develop his own character, outfit, entrance music and the like. Maybe one of us can be his ringside manager, messing up his opponents while Ryan distracts the ref. Career opportunities abound. I’ll let you all know how it goes. (I asked Ryan about medical insurance. He said he can be covered from his job at Dollar Bill’s if he’s there another couple weeks.) Happy New Year & Love – Steve “The Sandman” (Finishing move: Having opponents doze off from long-winded stories.)

and I was all like FOR REAL??


It’s real. The Assassin has been rehearsing all week and is at the Legion now going through his moves with The White Ninja. He should be first up on tonight’s card, as it’s an initiation match. He’s all high on the whole thing – feels he’s found his calling. His entrance music tonight will be Highway to the Danger Zone. Pictures for sure. I’ll update you on his new persona. The Assassin appreciates your support. Love, peace & enlightenment – “The Sandman”


like, whoa.

better luck next year, again.

i guess i'll take the blame.

i didn't start the game yesterday with my lucky uggs on and i couldn't remember if we had Mu in his jersey last week when we eeked out a win or not. i wore my crisp new 69 - Allen jersey again, but i changed the leggings i paired with it. so, anyway, i'm sure one of the crucial ingredients for ensuring a vikings win was not perfectly in place. and for that, vikings fans, I AM SORRY.

but SERIOUSLY.

i don't even know why i let myself get invested again. i WARNED myself not to let myself get my hopes up. but did i listen? no, of course not. myself is a rebellious bastard who listens to NO ONE! ESPECIALLY NOT MYSELF.

fast forward to a deflated me, head in hands, sour look on face, woefully watching mcnabb excessively demonstrating his excitement to have beat the Mighty Vikqueens. nearby, aaron was typing swear words into his facebook status, and we sank further into misery as the Minnesota contingent all expressed their disappointment via their facebook statuses. then? we just WALLOWED in it.

but were we surprised? nah. were we hopeful? sure. and i guess at the end of the day there's a lesson to learn here.

hope sucks.


*hangs jersey up in the back of the closet*

so far, in 2009 i've logged 10 treadmill miles, 4 elliptical miles, one level 2 yoga class and one power sculpt class. i ended 2008 with a 10-mile run, which felt good, you know. but at the same time, why come my pants is so tight, ya'll? salt. salty salt salt. i think the moment i remove salt and sauv blanc from my diet is the moment my pants and i become friends again. this experiment will have to wait one more day, however, so that i can partake in debaucherous behaviors during the big vikings game tomorrow.

in related news, today's actions involved going to Big Wang's to watch the playoff game(s), which naturally involved consumption of a bloody mary, 10 chipotle chicken wings and 1 cajun chicken wing. approximately at the stroke of halftime during the colts/chargers game, aaron and i slithered down the street and caught the 7:35pm showing of gran torino after enjoying a smallish glass of sauv blanc.

this was not my favorite movie of 2008. not even close. but it kept my interest and i didn't fall asleep, so there you go.

and it's hard, actually, lately for movies and me. because when i saw the wrestler i gave myself a tear facial* and when i saw the curious case of benjamin button i fell in love with brad pitt and cate blanchett all over again. not to mention i just recently saw wall-e and assorted other grand movies, so you know, it's hard to compete. even if you are "vintage" clint eastwood.

anyhoo.

i'm not really sure how i'm going to go back to work as a fully functional human being on monday. what with me waiting to shower every day until maaaaybe 5p. but you know, i'll do my best. i'm impressive that way.


* i heard once that tears are good for your skin. if that's the case, my skin got treated REAL WELL during this movie.
you know, because i cried. A LOT.

i haven't showered since last year

well happy happy new year to you, you and especially YOU.

we spent our evening at my brother & sister-in-law's house - just the "four pack." we created our own sushi rolls and sipped from a giant bottle of sake and played numerous rounds of "imaginiff." it was lovely.

then, after we counted down (and celebrated the 10th anniversary of aaron proposing to me!) we took the gloves off and had a wii fest. we had so much fun that i could hardly believe it when jason put down his controller and declared it a night... at 6AM!

whee.

so today was kind of painful, but we dragged ourselves to the gym around 2p and I did 34 minutes on the elliptical and 56 minutes on the treadmill and i feel much better now, thank you.

somewhere in the back of the house there is a shower with my name all over it, and maybe after this entry i may just jump in it.

or not.

either way, hope this is the best year yet!!!